A great deal has changed in the eight months since I wrote the first of these essays. For one, I gave in (or gave up, depending on your point of view) and succumbed to the desire to join the community. I joined the Section Two mailing list, and became a regular poster on the Nikita fan message board. So, I'm no longer dwelling in self-imposed isolation. That alone has changed the way I write—I now have a better sense of my audience, though I am still working hard not to cater to any particular group with the stories I write.
Why I Write, Reprise
yet another completely self-indulgent essay by Tara O'Shea
All two of them. And no, the Birkoff story still isn't done.
As we entered the second season, I found myself in the minority on one issue in particular. I seem to be a constant defender of Section One, and by extension Operations and Madeline. While not a popular position, I take great pleasure in pointing out to whomever is willing to listen (or unwilling, in some cases) that Section One is not the "Bad Guy." The terrorists are the bad guys. No matter how cruel Section's methods appear, the real bad guys are a lot, lot worse. And while Operations' occasional pettiness is unbecoming—not to mention bordering on abuse of power, in the case of "Not Was"—it does make him a much more interesting character. Though it does undermine the strength of his character in the end. But that very weakness is what interests me—especially in regards to his relationship with Madeline in second season. I applaud Operations as someone who know there are hard choices to be made and is able to make them. I stand by that aspect of the character. But the real strength seems to belong to Madeline, who in addition to having the strength to make the hard choices, has also proven herself to be strong enough not to let her emotions cloud her judgement.
Of course, she is also completely hiding from her emotions, and will blow up like Mt. St. Helens one of these days...
Which brings me to my favourite part of the Ops/Maddie dynamic: the way it gives us a glimpse of Michael and Nikita's future.
In my mind, part of the reason Operations is so very hard on Nikita is because he sees so much of himself in her—the same passion for justice. But it is because she is so like him that he is harder on her, pushes her farther, and tries to change her. I believe he is uncomfortable with some of the parallels, and is in his own way trying to force her to change because he is uncomfortable with those aspects of himself. And possibly jealous, since he has given up so much that he now wishes he hadn't. Namely, a portion of his humanity and compassion.
On the flip side, Michael is very much Madeline's protegé. Like Michael, Madeline has put a cap on her emotions—she appears cool, calm, ruthless and even cold. This is as much about self-defence as it is a requirement of her job. As she told Nikita in New Regime "You don't have what it takes to do my job. And, if you try, you'll only end by destroying yourself." Madeline is able to distance herself from the horror of the psychopaths she must emulate in order to understand the minds of the Sections enemies. She has to be able to think like a monster, but not become one. And no, I do not believe she is in any danger of becoming that which she fights; although I do see her punishing herself needlessly for her sister's death. Whether she was truly responsible or not, indulging that guilt is a weakness that can be used against her.
While we don't know what kind of past Operations and Madeline shared, their present is what interests me. This is especially apparent in Mandatory Refusal. Operations blatantly puts Madeline's life above the mission just as Nikita puts Michael's above her loyalty to the Section. Both are rewarded for their efforts by their respective romantic interests not by gratitude, but by a reminder that Section comes first.
Madeline especially fascinates me. I believe that she wields more power than anyone realises specifically because she is more aware of what goes on in Section than Operations, and she also chooses to bend the rules where she believes it will benefit the Section. Relationships that do not threaten Section—such as Birkoff and Gale's—are encouraged. Even as Operations bristles at the thought of Michael and Nikita having a relationship, Madeline knows that by forbidding it, Section is only decreasing the effectiveness of two of its best operatives. Sanctioning it would of course not be the answer, since both Michael and Nikita have demonstrated in the past that they would—and do—put each other above their loyalty to Section (no matter how much Michael tries to deny this, it's obvious). But there is less risk in allowing it—to a degree—than there is in attempting to destroy it. And indeed, all first season Madeline gently nudged the operatives towards one another.
Operations appears to be learning from her example (Not Was) although he has shown less patience with Nikita's relentless questioning of Sections methods, at the same time he is the first to praise her when she successfully uses Section's teachings and even adapts them to fit specific situations. However, he remains rigid and untractable when it comes to out and out insubordination. Again, I believe this has a great deal wo do with his recognising in her a younger, more innocent version of himself. If Michael is being groomed as a potential replacement for Madeline, Nikita obviously has the strength of character and leadership abilities that—properly harnessed—could make her a suitable successor for Ops someday far down the road...
Now then, onto the stories.
Acid Test was inevitable. I firmly believe that not only is Madeline aware of—if not the extend of Michael's actions, or exactly where Nikita was during those six months—Michael and Nikita's deception, that she is pleased. For one thing, the fact that Nikita returned means that Section has a hold on her that it did not prior to "Hard Landing." It means that Nikita has begun to grow up and accept her situation. It also means that a much stronger—emotionally—Nikita came back to Section than had left. And Madeline is not someone to welcome the loss of someone with as much potential as she recognised in Nikita. I also think that she is pleased with how Michael has changed since Nikita entered his life. If in fact Madeline did assign Nikita to Michael in order to regain Michael from the despair he suffered after he lost Simone (the first time), then not only did they regain Michael, but they gained a valuable talented operative in Nikita. Total bonus.
Yes, it is unfortunate that Nikita has tunnel vision. But Nikita has brought something back to Section One that it has been lacking—and this is, quite simply, life.
Which brings me to Mnemosyne's Tears.
If some of these seems familiar, by the way, it's because some of this has appeared on my message board after "Not Was."
Bottom line: regardless of what the script may or may not say and Michael's memory, I think it makes a much better story if he does remember those three days with Nikita. And once I made that decision, it completely changed the tag of "Not Was" for me, and I just had to write Mnemosyne's Tears.
You may have noticed that my fanfic seems to defend Michael's motives. That's because it does defend his motives. Just because the guys motives are pure doesn't mean he's not making a mistake. It just makes those mistakes more interesting because the reader (and viewer) is so sympathetic to the guy making those mistakes.
For the record, I think Michael's caution "Spec Op", "Third Person" and "Approaching Zero" was completely warranted. That doesn't change the fact that he acted like a complete git. Likewise, Nikita's anger and frustration was equally understandable and completely reasonable. Doesn't change the fact that I wanted to whack her upside the head with the clue bat and dump her in an ice bath either. I had a lot of fun yelling at the television during "Third Person" precisely because Michael and Nikita were both acting like idiots. That doesn't mean I didn't like the story. It made the story more interesting. But more than ever I wanted to zap the boy into my living room, sit him down with a cup of tea, and explain to him why the course he had chosen was a bone-headed one. However, by that same token I wanted to have Nikita over for a couple of beers and patiently explain to her why she was being a twit as well. But it's kinda like why there are no mothers in Disney films. If Mom was there to straighten out all the miss-communication, then there would be no plots. So, for the sake of actually having a story, no mothers.
Once I had decided that Michael lied about remembering his three days as a partial amnesiac, I then had to decide why. Mnemosyne's Tears is the answer to that why. Plus I couldn't resist the opportunity to give our lad a nice, juicy, angst-ridden back story. This is a whim all fanfic writers fall prey to eventually, and all I can say is that I hope I do it in such a way as makes you forgive me that terrible weakness.
I think that Michael sees in Nikita all he has lost. He sees someone he can protect, unlike everyone else in his life (his parents, his sister, his wife, and possibly a son) that he couldn't keep from harm, couldn't hold onto. He sees someone he can save, he sees someone worth saving, when he himself is past saving.
In Nikita he sees someone with hope. With dreams that refuse to die no matter how often they are trampled. I think he is in awe of her strength, and envious of it.
In Michael, I think Nikita sees someone who cares for her as no one—not her mother, not the people on the street, and certainly no one else in Section with the possible exception of Walter and Birkoff—has ever cared for her before. He knows who she is (unlike Grey, who only knew a part of her, but loved her all the same).
In Michael, Nikita sees someone who needs her as much as she desperately needs someone. She sees a challenge—she sees walls and her instinct is to tear them down. That's in her nature. She wants him to feel—she wants him to know it is safe to feel. She wants him as much as he wants her, but she doesn't care about the hurdles that stand in their way.
Nikita desperately craves the love she never had. Michael desperately craves the love he believes he is incapable of giving. Each sees the potential in the other for completeness. Do I think they love one another? Not yet. But the need is what binds them together right now.
Okay, onto the pesky question of Michael's son raised by "war" and potentially damned by "Soul Sacrifice". Again, I made a choice. And once I made that choice, I had to back it up in a believable way.
This choice was based entirely on "War" and ignores the stuff that was bandied about by the writers but left out of the final script since only the stuff that airs is canon...
For the Section to have planted that information in Michael's file, they would have had to have anticipated the directory being stolen in "Gray". And I seriously, seriously doubt this was the case. Moreover, it makes no sense to seed Michael's file with false information to make Nikita more sympathetic toward him since a) she would never have access to his file in the first place, b) she's already pretty damn sympathetic to him and c) that would have anticipated the events of "War" waaaaaaaaay back in "Gray" when the Directory was stolen.
I don't buy it. Not one little bit. Section may love games, but this is a little too Machiavellian even for Section—not to mention would require them to be able to see into the future. It simply makes no sense.
However, there may many who believe, based on "Soul Sacrifice" that he lied in "War" and this idea is fed by those aborted story plans that were leaked from the production office to the fans. I almost wish they never had, because if that is what the production is trying it imply, then that is incredibly sloppy plotting, not to mention ludicrously labyrinthine, even for Section and it would make me seriously annoyed were they to try and retroactively re-write "War" because they changed their minds.
Soooooo... the fact of the matter is, Michael lied. And, since I want to believe no production would undermine their own series with stupidity, I choose to believe Michael did have a son and lied in "Soul Sacrifice" rather than in "War."
Plus is makes Michael's character infinitely more interesting if he had had and subsequently lost a son. So, I'm keeping it. And I'll continue to try and find ways to write around any nasty little retroactive continuity by the series because I am a stubborn, pig-headed writer who refuses to accept reality.
Hope this helps!
